By Betsy Gonwa, 
I posted a desk for sale on Facebook Marketplace. A cozy, comfortable desk, with one center drawer and three deep drawers on each side. I had used it for writing, studying, paying bills, and most recently for sewing. Before that it had belonged to my friend and before that to her grandmother. The wood was scuffed and marked so it could not be categorized as an antique, but it had become dear to me. I would have kept it forever, but with reorganizing of space, it no longer fit. I hoped it would find a new home where it would be used with love. So, I was thrilled when I received an inquiry.
“Is this still available? Could you measure how wide the drawer compartments are?”
“Drawers are 7 ¾” wide, close to 7 7/8” but not quite.”
“Is that the drawer itself? I’m hoping for the width of that whole side compartment. I’m sorry to be a pain!”
“That is the drawer itself, inside measurement. I will make some more measurements and send photos. No worries about the questions. Will do my best.” I followed up later with “Looks to be 11 ½”. Is that what you need? Photo attached.”
“That’s perfect! I’m 95% certain it’ll fit where I wanted it. Can I get back to you?”
“Sure.”
“Thank you!”
And later, “Glad you are interested.”
“It’s a lovely piece. I’m going to turn it into nightstands. Where are you located?”
What had I done? I thought passing it on to a home where it was wanted would be enough, but in that moment, it wasn’t. I thought I was ready to let it go, but apparently I had designs even on what the letting go would look like, and my version came with the stipulation that it remain a desk. My imagination began to go to work, not very successfully, picturing it with the center cut out.
I responded with my address, but without the same enthusiasm I’d had before. The unexpected assailed me like a thief and I felt like a deflated balloon.
Thankfully the pick up we planned for the next morning didn’t work out, and I had a little more time to adjust to the idea of two bedstands. It even began to feel inspiring. I was surprised to discover that I was feeling joy that this piece of furniture would live on, albeit in a new form.
The next day, I messaged, “I admire your creativity and am very glad to pass this on to a new home” and I really meant it. A few days later, the purchaser sent me a photo of the new bedstands, freshly cut and standing on their own. She intends to sand them down and refinish them. I look forward to seeing the finished product. Who knew that a creative couple would transform it into matching bedstands! My part was to let go and open up a space for transformation to happen. First I let go of the desk being mine and then I let go of the desk being a desk!
This is the way it works. With any loss or change, our psyche acknowledges as much as it can, and when we are ready, we will discover more. Just as I had no idea the desk would be transformed, so each time I let go of anything that has been part of my life, I am opening myself to transformation.
These days, I experience feelings of loss associated with living through a pandemic, and with aging. And one step at a time, I am being transformed.
Has letting go resulted in transformation for you?
