The Way I Imagined

I awoke with expectations. Maybe  predictions or assumptions would have been more accurate. I don’t know exactly what I imagined would happen. I do know I supposed that the day would hold grandmotherly activities with my grandchildren. Perhaps cooking with the assistance of a chatty 3 ½ year old. Perhaps watching a toddler stack blocks and knock them down. But early on, it became clear that others’ ideas of how they would pass the time were taking the day in a different direction than what I had imagined.

Parents and toys took priority for my grandchildren, so I occupied myself with a sewing project. As I let the day unfold, I felt at ease and uncomfortable at the same time. I was a bit disappointed that my day was being spent on the sidelines, like a spectator in my granddaughters’ lives. I considered speaking up, but rather than voicing my ideas, I decided to stay in the moment. Gradually, I felt myself letting go and entering into their lives. There came a knock upon the door. The neighbors arrived, and the joyous sound of children playing multiplied. The day was beginning to feel like a Saturday from my own childhood, when spontaneity was the rule rather than the exception.

As the flow of the day continued, and morning turned into afternoon, and play transitioned from one activity to another, the 7-year-old neighbor girl wandered into the dining room where I was sewing. I knew that she had been struggling to learn to read in her virtual classroom, and it occurred to me to invite her to bring a book from the shelf so she could read aloud to me. It was a precious time. For months I had known about her difficulties and felt helpless. In the space that opened up that day, she and I had an honest conversation, one that I could not have planned, but which I had been desiring. It led to a conversation with her mom and, as a result, I am now tutoring her in reading via Facebook Messenger video chat.

That day, instead of thinking I was the one who must make things happen, I was letting things happen! And it was all good. An opportunity to act on the longing of my heart was placed in front of me and I was able to step into it. In Frederick Buechner’s words, my “deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger” met.

What I had imagined would transpire with me and my grandchildren was small potatoes compared to what the Spirit brought into being through my quiet waiting and trusting. Letting the day unfold allowed for the Spirit to enter in, and as a result, I learned that it doesn’t have to turn out the way I imagined in order for it to be good. If I had spoken up about my plans, the day would have been re-directed, reading together with my granddaughter’s friend would not have happened, and the opportunity to suggest tutoring would not have come up. As it is, tutoring has become the highlight of my days. Acknowledging this special opportunity as a gift of the Spirit fills me with awe and wonder. I cooperated with the Spirit and felt the wonder of grace!

How often does my preoccupation with how things could be or should be get in the way? What if I were to wake up, ready to lay aside my expectations and allow each day to unfold in its own way, as the Spirit would have it unfold? What about your days? Are your plans and preoccupations getting in the way? Is this day calling you to let it unfold before you in its own way?

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