By Betsy Gonwa, 
With social distancing, and the ability to connect with others being so dependent on the internet, my resistance to learning technology took center stage. Looking at all there was to learn, I felt like a 5K runner contemplating a marathon. I wanted to leap forward and embrace the challenge, but I felt intimidated and overwhelmed. This was not the first time I had encountered these feelings, but the intensity was magnified. Perhaps it was the greater sense of urgency. Whatever the case, my desire for connection was not just bumping up against, but crashing into my resistance to learning new technology.
A few months earlier, when my Windows 7 computer was about to become obsolete, I composed a song about it. The songwriting me was even able to laugh at my unrealistic expectation that I could get through life without continuously learning new technology. So, I wondered, what had become of my can-do attitude?
So, with curiosity, I dug a little deeper. I discovered fear. My can-do attitude was like a child, brave enough to walk up the ladder and out to the end of the high dive, but once there, petrified of jumping into the water. Such an old story for me, wanting to jump in on my own and at the same time wanting someone to hold my hand.
Funny, that turned out to be the answer. Holding my own hand. And so, that’s what I am doing. Amazingly, I am noticing a shift in my self-talk. Instead of focusing on what I have yet to learn, I hear a voice affirming me when I take a small step forward. And, if I make a misstep, instead of criticism, I hear a voice encouraging me, like a patient teacher. On this path of self-compassion, I am also learning to ask for help when I need it. What I am discovering is that others are willing to help, and sometimes help appears, and I don’t even have to ask.
What are you afraid of? Do you want someone to hold your hand? Do you want to learn to hold your own hand?
Nice, Betsy. Just what I needed to hear. At church we have been videoing Masses, which had a whole slew of technical challenges, and now are discussing if and when we start live Masses again. As you probably know, I planned to retire July 1, although with the current situation I may stay a little longer to bridge a gap should they not find anyone. Information I gleaned from a webinar yesterday presented by several national choral associations and 2 medical/scientific guests seems to suggest there will be a very long time before social singing (choral groups or gatherings such as at church) will be safe. As one person put it, this really is a time of grieving for what is lost. So, in addition to insecurity about technology, add that grief.
We’re doing pretty well, tho. I don’t mind being home a lot, tho I do miss arts events. What a crazy lot of offerings on tv and Youtube, tho!!! Saw Les Miserables, Phantom of the Opera and other broadway related offerings. Fun.
Wishing you and your family well!
Patrice, I am so pleased that this resonated with you. My technology challenges seem small in comparison to yours! Yes, we are all grieving what is lost and wondering what the future will look like. Thank you for reading.